Few are the projects I have finished, or the ideas I have seen through. I usually get bored or distracted somewhere around the middle, and leave my half-formed ideas and aborted visions to gather dust; I move on to the next big thing, unaware and aware that I will never see it through.
All attempts to break this cycle of disinterest and hopelessness thus far have petered out; a tangible irony. Through my retrospectacles, however, I can see the common thread that ties all my aborted dreams together like an umbilical cord.
I've been doing all the right things, but for all the wrong reasons.
So long as I have cohabitated with my family I have naught but wished myself free from their ever-present existence. For the brief period I did escape, a short-but-long six month bid at liberty, I was granted a delightful clarity and presence of mind that bordered almost on the supernatural. It was there I realized that I had been tying the achievement of all my goals into my pipe dream of escape; in doing so I doomed them to failure. If I was to achieve success at all, I realized, it could only be when I was free of the more pressing distraction of familial responsibility. I need not kill them, of course; simply being a half-hour drive away worked wonders. Yet, when forced to return to the nest, I found that I could no longer see such things. All-too-quickly I found myself all-too-soon pacing the same tired rut of repeated failure.
I have done away with the mixing of my dreams and my necessities. I have since decided that a rigidly flexible sort of order need be applied to my goals if I am to achieve them.
First, and foremost, employment of any sort. It needn't matter what I am doing, so long as what I am doing yields a return. Which is a stark contrast to "work" around the home for my family; a service my mother is quite insistent is her return on the investment of raising me. A fair days work for a fair days wage is all I require.
Secondly; the fruits of my labour shall be directly applied to that which is necessary to facilitate my expedited expedition from the home of my progenitors. Most importantly, the purchase, maintenance, and upkeep of my own automobile; with which I will achieve a relatively small but important step towards completely independence. Such things as seed money for the down payment and associated costs of an apartment, as well as furnishings and appliances for that apartment also fall into this category.
These two steps alone should aid my abdication, at which point I will be free to pursue my own heading. Thirdly, therefor, is to re-enter secondary education. I feel like a dry sponge, and college is a bucket of water which I am all too eager to dive into. An education, and furthermore, proof of that education, is key to acquiring a career. A fair days work for a fair days wage may pay the bills, but it is merely the means to an end. If I am to achieve any sort of success in this world it will be in a field which I am trained for, an area which I thrive in not only because I am educated, but because it is something I wholly enjoy doing. Such as it is, I hope to pursue degrees in both electrical and mechanical engineering.
If I have stable employment, and I have my own means of long and short range locomotion, and I have re-entered the collegiate environment, there is but one step left. Profit. So long as I am self-sufficient, the world is my oyster, and there is no excuse I should not excel both academically and personally. There are many unfinished projects, and many I have yet to start, that require my attention, and they deserve nothing less than my undivided attention. In due time, I hope to give them just that.
I make no excuses for this bombastic and loquacious entry. Rarely do I get the chance to properly express my vast vocabulary. It was fun.
